Friday, 26 February 2010

The Hole thing...

I know we had a fair bit of snow this winter and for once it lasted for quite a few days, BUT it wasn't Siberia and certainly wasn't something we haven't experienced before. So what has happened to our roads in the last few weeks?
Driving around Berkhamsted at the moment is like driving around the rough end of Basra as you swerve to avoid the ruts and potholes in the road. I didn't notice many landmines going off in West Hertfordshire during February but that's what it resembles.

I've seen a few road crews out during the last few days - these are those SWAT-type teams that appear out of nowhere and stick cones in the road, then disappear just as quickly - but I haven't noticed much in the way of improvements; it's getting worse if anything.
If our car suspension is anything to go by, Herfordshire C.C are going to find a lot of complaints/ bills coming their way shortly.
Perhaps they need to consider fixing the roads with something stronger than Weetabix or whatever it is they use.

Have a look here:

This person obviously had enough - Hemel to L Buzzard road:

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Wednesday, 24 February 2010


Don't know why so many people need to know so much about Comperes anyway. Leslie Crowther was always my favourite.

But that aside, who do you reckon would win a dirty street fight between the meerkat or the fat singing bloke with the moustache? long as his vocal chords get damaged beyond repair, I'm happy......


Here's a few more. See if you can spot the differences:

A - Yep, one is a knob.

The other is a door-handle.


A - You are getting good at this. One is a tool.

The other is a spanner.


A - a few million quid but apart from that, not much........

Tuesday, 23 February 2010

Spot the difference

Knotty boy.......

Ouch 2!

I know some might think this is just is deliberate ruse to avoid dragging my middle-aged spread around the 5 mile fun run course in a couple of weeks, but my leg is not well.
After my last run on Thursday morning, I came back with a calf strain and it hasn't gone away yet which is a worry. Also I noticed that my left shin had swollen up last night and again this morning.
I'm trying to rest it as much as possible, but life doesn't allow a comfy chair and a footstool I'm afraid.
Made the mistake of looking on Google earlier so I am now nursing thoughts of foot operations, fluid retention and/or amputation.
Off to the docs shortly. Probably 2 aspirins and a note for teacher.

Friday, 19 February 2010

You wot?

I heard a phrase on TV the other day that really pressed my Grumpy Old Man button. In short it was a term uttered by a make-up artist on some crud TV show who said words to the effect of;
'its not simply make-up, it is facial architecture'.
Er, no its not. It is make-up. Facial architecture does not exist.
If you say it is a legitimate description then I will start to redefine everything I do thusly:

Having a shave - Bristle harvesting
Showering - Skin valeting
Going for a dump - Faecal engineering


Wednesday, 17 February 2010


Back from the hospital today. The docs have confirmed that there is no more cancerous tissue to worry about so no more surgery which is a relief. However the conversation now turns to the grisly details of chemo which is likely to commence in a few weeks. It is going to be a difficult journey but I am certain mrs C will make a full recovery so we just need to stay positive and tough it out.

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Tuesday, 16 February 2010

Another update...

Quick update - Mrs C is back at the hospital tomorrow for a consultation following the surgery last week. Hopefully that has all concluded now and we will be discussing the next stage in the journey. She is still in a lot of pain and has limited movement in her arm, but she is determined to 'bring it on', despite the obvious concerns. She is a very brave lady. 


Reminding myself that today is pancake day (or Shrove Tuesday to give it it's proper religious name) I was interested to learn that the day is also known in some countries as Fat Tuesday (hence Mardi Gras).
Looking around I think some people have obviously embraced this philosophy, but haven't yet taken up the idea of fasting afterwards. Also it is supposed to be an annual event, not weekly.
Going off on a tangent I saw a crud show yesterday with a TV Psychic called Sally. I noticed she didn't use the term Medium. She was an XXL is ever there was one.


While on a nostalgia trip, I thought I would conduct a serious bit of research.
Please let me know if you were a Whizz Kid or a Chip-ite.
This is very important.

Sweet memories...

Online nostalgia sweet shop recently conducted a poll amongst its regular customers to find the best sweet bar of all time.
My all time favourite, the Texan bar was voted the best ever by a massive margin. This was a Rowntrees classic, hard nougat covered in chocolate and it used to take even me a good 5 minutes to polish off.
The adverts featured a line-drawn Clint Eastwood type cool-dude cowboy who thwarted his assailants with the minimum of effort, thus allowing him time to spend eating Texan bars.
I'm gutted to learn that Nestle brought Texan bars back - but only for 6 weeks a few years ago. I missed this - I was probably eating rubbish Haribos at the time.

Below is the full list - note the Top 5 are all no longer available!

Top 10 List:
1. Texan Bar

2. Nutty Bar

3. Mint Cracknell

4. Cabana

5. Aztec Bar

6. Curly Wurly

7. Caramac

8. Mars Bar

9. Star Bar

10. Secret Bar
I vaguely remember most of these (maybe the packaging, if not the taste).
Check out this website for further blasts from the past
Now, as for Spanish Gold sweet tobacco..............................

Saturday, 13 February 2010

Total recall

I have watched the news with interest of late as Toyota have recalled virtually every model they produce due to faulty cup holders or similar. In fact it seems that with each day, another horror story appears about brake failures or sticky accelerators.
The main reason for my interest is a longshot hope that in some way our ropey Korean/ American MPV trash can is in some way related (first cousin?) to Toyota and they somehow supplied or fitted the shabby brakes on this car. At times the brakes have a mind of their own and decide to have a rest at random moments such as stopping at a roundabout for example. This intermittent problem has not been made any better by the post-snow-apocalypse road surfaces we have around here. Makes for a Stig-like journey each time you pop to the shops. Despite taking the heap to the garage a number of times I have been told the brakes are installed correctly. However it is the quality of what has been installed that I'm now more worried about.
I think its time for a change of car. I'm sure Mrs C agrees. In fact I think she is trying to force the issue and has hidden the hamster carcass somewhere abouts in the hope the phantom smell will get to us first.
However after carrying mud soaked boys back from football today followed by Happy Meals on board, I'm not entirely sure that moving away from our pseudo-cattle truck is the best idea.

Friday, 12 February 2010


I've taken to reciting the words of the following to myself a lot lately. Seems to be doing the trick. Those wartime ministers certainly knew a thing or two about battling on....

Looking at the state of the garden, I might need to think Dig for Victory soon......................

It's an age thing...

Busy week - sorry, first chance to write in a while. 2 days at the hospital followed by 2 days applying bandages to a rapidly worsening project at Wickes offices. Looking forward to the weekend.

Actually, it's at times like this, when last weekend seems like only moments ago that I realise how quickly time is passing by. Gone are my plans to run 2 or 3 times a week, building up to the big event. My last run was on Saturday morning and I can still feel the soreness in my calf muscle and also in my left knee. This is slightly worrying - I guess with my advancing years I no longer possess the gift of 'bouncebackability' as defined by Sir Alex and all exertions (including alcoholic ones) now require a much longer recovery time.

I now have 5 sponsors (thank you all) who I can only assume are cash rich sadists who get-off at the sight of purple faced middle aged men suffering near death experiences. This last comment has nothing to do with bedroom antics/ plastic bags I hasten to add.

Watched some real car-crash TV last night with Mrs C. First we were treated to the delights of Katie Price's private world where we saw the minger-queen leave the jungle, dump her boyfriend, boss photographers around, patch up with her boyfriend, blag some frocks, generally bemoan her entire lot with the orange skinned hangers-on sucking up to her at every opportunity. Oh and she even managed to say hello to her kids at one point too. Interesting how she was one minute dumping her boyfriend for speaking to the press when it was only 'her they were interested in', then she was planning to marry him as soon as he won Big Brother (and was arguably more interesting to the press than she).

Next up was a completely dragged-out-to-fill-an-hour shocker about how Cheryl Cole has changed her looks over the last 10 minutes or so, complete with 'coming-up' teasers and recaps each side of the adverts. Obvious comparisons were made with the Beckhams etc. Today, I'm delighted to see another 'Shock' story about hubby Ashley's nude pics.

The lives/ habits/ thoughts of so-called celebrities often leave me reaching for the sick bowl. It is no wonder that our kids have no desirable role models as there is no prospect of any well-intentioned, good-hearted, selfless person ever getting a look in to our celebrity obsessed media.
Any way must go. Having my BSC waxed then I'm off to open a supermarket.

Tuesday, 9 February 2010

Update ...updated

Mrs C is fine and well and has now returned home. All seems to have gone well and she is now having some much needed shut-eye.
Thanks for all your support.

Monday, 8 February 2010

Family time

Cracking photo in the Guardian today showing one man, his 5 wives and the multitude of children and grandchildren that have popped out. Sharper eyes might notice the landscape and the curious attire sported by many and deduce, correctly that this is an American Mormon family.

But the great thing about this photo is down on the lower right, where a little lady ignores the occasion in hand and just does her own thing.


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Pic from national geographic magazine


I was sat in the waiting room reading (?) old copies of Hello when I heard giggling and chatting coming from the lift lobby. I was just thinking how familiar that laughter sounded when in comes Mrs C on her bed, chatting away with the nurses like she had just popped back from the shops.
I thought at first that the op had been cancelled but sure enough, she is back from surgery, a bit tired but looking fine.

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Thumb twiddling

I'm sitting next to the space that used to be Mrs C's bed in the hospital. She has just been wheeled down to the operating theatre for the latest in a series of surgeries, which we hope to be the final episode.
I hate this bit. It is a time I feel particularly useless and try very hard to supress images of operating theatres from my mind.
I will probably go for a squeaky shoe wander shortly in order to get some fresh air, but also to avoid the anxious eyes of other patients sitting in the beds opposite.
Apparently, I have been told by the porter for the third time in 6 weeks, I share a surname with a very famous Leicester City footballer.
I hope we can avoid being reminded of this fact again soon.

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Sunday, 7 February 2010


I swear that sports and exercise are bad for your health. In a bid to get myself into some kind of shape (probably an 'O') for the forthcoming 5 mile fun run (an oxymoron) I have been attempting a few 2 mile slogs of late. However the resulting aches and pains are preventing a programme of sorts developing. Also the plates of cakes and brownies (courtesy of MOW - see MrsCheese etc) are preventing a programme of sorts developing. Yesterday's early morning run has brought me a siezed-up calf muscle which has been met with little sympathy by fellow runners (term used loosely).
This morning, at the Raiders football match the usual request for a linesman was made and the impairment affected my ability to run away in time so I was given the flag of doom.
Playing a team a couple of divisions above them, our boys obviously didn't read the script properly and decided to run up a 3-1 lead at half-time. Tempers amongst the travelling parents were starting to rise and a few choice comments were being made towards the referee who hadn't agreed with all of their decisions in the first half.
All of which made for a fun second half where I swapped sides to patrol the line in front of the opposition supporters. I take my hat off to match officials I have to say. How they can concentrate on such minor things as a game of football when all they can hear is the gnashing of teeth and sharpening of knives just a few feet behind them is beyond me.
When the referee ruled out one of their goals (I hadn't seen an offence, perhaps my eyes were tightly shut?) I feared the worst. However a small voice of reason amongst their number seemed to placate their fury, at least until the final whistle when a 5-2 defeat saw them stomp immediately pitchward.
I feared for the ref and perhaps for our victorious players but I needn't have worried. The object of their frustration and anger was their own team, who they proceeded to nag and criticise with little restraint.
It is supposed to be a sport and played for enjoyment, but seeing such hostility and negativity really makes me wonder.
They are probably the same sort who don't take part in fun runs (dodgy knees) and knock all those that do.
Now back to that calf muscle........Nurse!!!

Thursday, 4 February 2010


A quick update. Mrs Cheese goes under the knife again on Monday. The doctors found more cancer cells within the area around the tumour they removed, so need to cut out a further margin of safety.
Hopefully after this operation, she will be able to move onto the next stage which we think will be 18 weeks of chemotherapy.
Thanks all for your support through this.


With Valentines Day just around the corner, I have been looking at wonderful things to buy the love of your life.
Mrs Cheese's blog is a good source of inspiration

Oh and there is always this....

...........................................................or this (if rancid breath doesn't spoil the mood)


In order to balance the books, the judges have decided to introduce a new feature:
Dairy Aberration of the Week.
Hopefully this will satisfy the cheese purists out there (I mean French people.....again).
Nice tablecloth too.
By the way, those are real maggots.
Casu Marzu.........mmmm. Now where are the kids lunchboxes?

Tuesday, 2 February 2010

No relation

To add variety to the Cheeseboard, I would like to occasionally add various items of popular culture which I have extensively researched. Of course I make no personal endorsement or recommendation, and definitely do not get a slice (no pun).

Richard Cheese
From Wiki:
Richard Cheese (born Mark Jonathan Davis) fronts Richard Cheese and Lounge Against the Machine, a cover band and comedy act based in Los Angeles, California. Lounge singer Richard Cheese performs popular rock, rap, heavy metal, and pop songs in a swanky lounge music swing band style reminiscent of Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, and Tony Bennett. The band's name Lounge Against The Machine is a parody of the band name Rage Against the Machine. His name is also a play on words: "dick cheese" is a slang term for smegma.

And to follow......

Despite my previous posting, some would like to see additional information on Boards. In response I have created:
Board of the week.

Monday, 1 February 2010

Cheese of the week

It seems that some believe that there are not enough cheese articles in this blog. In recognition of this I have decided to introduce a new article:
Cheese of the week.

this one is quite good
(Not my opinion)

Not a cheese.



Just saw on the news tonight that the fabulous Beyonce (note - this is pronounced Beyonsay, not Beyonkey as I was mistakenly led to believe) has been awarded a Grammy.
Now I think this is brilliant. It has been a cold, harsh winter and with so many hit records, Beyonce is obviously wealthy so being given an elderly lady to look after is a great idea, hopefully staving off certain death for some time to come. Bravo!